Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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