Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
