Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
