he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Randomize
