Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
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I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
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I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
as a side note pls kill me
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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