she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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