i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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