Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
