feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
