i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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