He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
