Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
this hospital has no fireball
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
