My balls are so social today.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
