I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize