I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
