If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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