I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
