I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Randomize
