Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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