Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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