break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
