seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
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Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
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After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
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