I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
zippers are such a cool invention
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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