She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
