there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
