Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
