So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
