You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
