He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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