I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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