that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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