I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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