She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Stone age, man.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window