I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian