I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
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Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
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A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.