I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.