apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
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I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
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Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.