he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.