You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
