So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
