And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
