So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
