So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
