I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
