I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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