he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
