Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
