I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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