you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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