i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
