you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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