Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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