I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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