we're chasing vodka with high fives
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
