That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I want a musical about memes.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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