Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
