omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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