i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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