You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
high people should be assigned attendants
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
