I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
