my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
