she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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