I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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