hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
