mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Non-Jews are for practice
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
