Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
True college students do jello shots in the library
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