also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
