get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
