I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Sober January is a disaster.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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